This Ash Wednesday, a message stayed with me long after I left church.

The priest challenged us to think differently about Lent. Instead of focusing on what we are giving up that we consume like chocolate, coffee, wine, or vodka. He asked us to consider what we pour out. What we consume affects the body. What we release reveals the soul.

That stopped me.

Because if I am honest, it is far easier to give up sugar than it is to give up impatience. Easier to skip dessert than to confront the tone in my voice. Easier to remove something external than to examine something internal.

For me, this Lent is about giving up criticism.

I can be hardest on myself. I hold high standards. I move quickly. I expect excellence. Those traits have served me well in business and leadership. They drive results. They create momentum. They build credibility.

But when unchecked, they can spill over.

I can become overly critical with myself, replaying conversations, reworking decisions, questioning whether I should have said something differently. And at times, that same critical lens can unintentionally touch collegues, family and friends. Not out of malice. Out of habit. I learned this the hard way.

Leadership magnifies what we pour out.

As leaders whether in business, community, or family surely what flows from us sets the tone for everyone around us. If we pour out stress, the room tightens. If we pour out doubt, confidence erodes. If we pour out criticism, creativity shrinks.

But if we pour out encouragement, something powerful happens.

People expand.

They take thoughtful risks. They speak up. They bring ideas forward. They grow and so do we.

This season, my commitment is simple but not easy: pause, extend grace, and choose encouragement.

Pause before reacting.
Extend grace before judging.
Choose encouragement over critique.
Think before speaking.

This does not mean lowering standards. It means elevating humanity. In business, I often talk about strategic focus and measurable results. Yet sustainable leadership is not only about metrics. It is about the culture we cultivate. It is about the emotional climate we create. It is about the residue we leave in a room after we walk out.

What are you pouring into your team right now?
What are you pouring into your family?
What are you pouring into yourself?
Because here is the truth: what we consistently pour out becomes our legacy.

Lent is a season of reflection, but leadership requires reflection year-round. If we want resilient organizations, loyal teams, and strong relationships, we must examine not only what we take in like information, opportunity, revenue but also what we release.

Is it impatience or presence?
Scarcity or confidence?
Criticism or belief?

This Lent, I am choosing to give up criticism and replace it with intentional encouragement. That is my personal contribution this season.

Not perfection. Practice.
Not silence. Thoughtfulness.
Not less excellence. More grace.

What are you choosing to pour out this Lent season?

Sonya Ruff Jarvis is the Managing Member of Jarvis Consultants, LLC, bringing 30+ years of expertise in strategic development, marketing, event management, executive coaching, and board advisement for Fortune 500 companies and nonprofits. She is recognized for creating innovative business solutions, including a customer engagement program adopted globally to enhance attendance, exhibitor satisfaction, and loyalty at tradeshows. A four-time book author, Sonya holds an MBA from New York Institute of Technology and a BA from Hiram College, with international studies in Rome. Sonya resides in North Carolina with her husband and daughter.

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